In which the young man runs away to find himself...

Miriam McGruder

45 Long Farm Lane

Smalltown
East West Countryshire

 

  

My dear Miriam,

       In my last letter I was a confused fool. I may still be a fool but I like to think that I am no longer confused. My feelings for you, while they are as strong as reinforced steel, have changed. I miss you, but as one might miss the sun after a month of night. You represent home to me. You are comfort and you are complacency. I know now that I must run out into the world if I am to find my destiny. I know I must not be afraid to abandon comfort in order to know my true self.

I have discovered something about myself that is considered a scandal in polite society. So I have decided to follow the sun and take myself off someplace that I will not bring shame upon you and our families.

I want to thank you for your unwavering loyalty. I think you already knew in your heart that I was not as committed as you. I hope you can find it within yourself to forgive me and my fickle ways.   

I found in myself a strength I did not know I had the day that I decided to follow my heart. Captain Richmond caught me in a lie when I told him that I was not staring. He seemed disgusted by my attention. My dear Miriam, the stars fell from my eyes and I could finally see him for the man he was.  A big, vulgar brute of a man. A very beautiful brute, but a brute nonetheless.

I made up my mind in that instant. I was not cut out for life in the army. I snuck out under the cover of night. I crept past the sentries; I dared not breathe until I had made it to the road to Margumtown.

It was not until I had been walking for two straight days that I stopped hiding from every person that passed by. I am ashamed to say that I stole clothes, drying in the sun, from the yard of a quaint little farmstead. I did not look like a soldier. I looked like a scruffy man in need of a good meal. I foraged in the woods for berries, Miriam, I have never done that. I have never looked at the world as I have these last few days. It is like I have been born anew and the last vestiges of my old life are falling away and I have gained a greater appreciation for the land around me. Oh Miriam, if you could only see through my eyes, the wonders. I watched a kingfisher hunt for its lunch. I saw the sun rise above the horizon like it was the first time.  

As I wander across this new landscape I am struck anew by its beauty. The people are friendly to an unkempt young man wandering on to their lands, asking for work.

Maybe, one day, I will be at peace enough to settle down and become one of those helpful farmers.

My dear, I know that I must seem a right bedlamite, extolling the virtues of a place that you have never seen and will most likely never visit. I just hope you not bear me any ill will if I write to you again.

 

Forever yours in friendship,

Teddy

 

In which a young man has confusion...

Miriam McGruder

45 Long Farm Lane

Smalltown
East West Countryshire

 

 

 

 

My dear Miriam,

How my heart yearns for you. I fall asleep with your name on my lips and I wake with your face in my dreams. I read your letters so often it is a wonder the ink hasn’t faded away to nothing.

My days in basecamp are filled with boredom and terror. We are ever in a state of readiness. I don’t think I have truly clean since leaving home.  I remember the scent of the farm. I remember the scent of the cow pats mixing with the scent of the grass as the cows grazed. Sometimes, when I closed my eyes, I can almost smell home again but, then I open them, and I am back.

From time to time I wonder if it is you that I yearn so fervently for or if it is to be as far away from this dreadful conflict as possible. I know that sounds callous, my love, but I think you are the embodiment of my desire to return to a place of peace.

Ah, my dear heart, my mind is as confused as my heart these days. I find myself staring, almost entranced, at my captain. He strides throughout the camp with a confidence that one does not often see. His strong and assertive voice makes me believe that there might be an end to the grim conflict. He rallies the men with an enthusiasm that I have only seem on the football ground during peacetime. Unlike the rest of us, his uniform fits him and seems to never bear the scars and marks of a long and laborious day. He looks crisp and freshly pressed as if he just strode off the parade ground.

I wish I had his confidence, my dear Miriam, he will not accept anything less than success. I fear that he might leap over the barbed wire and go into battle single handed. I would worry more if I did not think he would succeed.

Dear Miriam, my heart and mind are so confused. I know that here is, where I should to be, where I have been ordered to be, but I feel as if my destiny lies far away.  

I hope that one day I can be as strong and as self-possessed as Captain Richmond.

 

Yours in hope

Teddy