Muggleton Town News

Farm Left To Cow In Will

Arthur Pendleton

Farmer Jack Whitingale has, today, stated his intention to cut his extensive family out of his Will and leave his entire fortune and holdings to his favourite cow, Bessie. To whom he got married six months ago.

This comes as no shock to many people of the shire of Muggleton as Mr Whitingale’s family has been linked to several scandals in the area. Lawyers for the troubled farmer have refused to either confirm or deny the rumour that Mr Whitingale has given his family one week to give him a reason why his beloved Bessie should not receive the entirety of his wealth.

It has been speculated that this ultimatum comes too little too late, for the many members of the Whitingale family who have been embroiled in various scandals over the years. Mr Whitingale’s ex-wife, for example, is well known for her alleged flings with the coach of the high school football team and several members of visiting players.

The Muggleton Herald has been promised an exclusive interview with various members of the Whitingale family affected by Farmer Jack’s revelations.

Break In At Wolverton Ranch

Margaret White

Police have been called to the scene of a break in at the Wolverton Ranch in South-East Muggleton this morning. Mr and Mrs Wolverton returned home this morning after coming back from the Southwest Society’s Regional Charleston Championship. The thefts include several of Mrs Wolverton’s dresses, a set of His and Hers Shaving Mugs and the trophy the couple won at last year’s Darts Tournament. The police believe the break in to be the work of roving transvestites.

On a lighter note, the Wolverton’s placed second in the Charleston Championship.

Raspberry Given to Mrs Jones Once Again

Linden Clay-Potts

In this last week the Muggleton Shire has seen an influx of jam and preserves lovers as the Country Women’s Annual Preserve Competition got under way on Monday. The traditionally insular society has, this year, thrown open the competition to all comers and the response has been remarkable. Ladies from as far as Yallington have come to contend for the prestige and titles winning either categories or overall titles can bring. Mrs Jones, our local legend and a very strong contender, has already taken out three trophies for Best Fig Preserve, Largest Raspberry Jam and Most Original Tart. Her tart was her now famous Quince Jelly and Zucchini Tart. The newcomers are making a good showing of themselves as well, with many of them taking out prizes for their creations.

Ferdinand's adventure

Having been missing for nearly a full day Ferdinand came home at 630 on the morning, injured, after having been attacked by a dog.

Two days at the vet, x-rays, surgery, intravenous drips, and painkillers later he came home.

Thankfully there was only bruising and a puncture that needed cleaning and stitching.

The bruising was awful but over the next couple of days it faded dramatically.

And the entire time he was healing, Ferdinand did not act like an invalid or as is he had been badly injured.

He kept galavanting about as if he was totally not wounded and hadn't spent two days at the vets undergoing a surgical cleaning of his wound, intravenous drips for his shock and fever and a massive amount of bruising.

Luckily, he's back to his usual mischievous self.

And is pestering Sebastian to distraction.

From a quagmire of Ick

Have you ever been so disgusted by an eating establishement that you took pictures of the ick and sent it to their corporate offices?
I have.

My mother and I were feeling like some junk food for lunch on the 2nd of April and so we went to the Hungry Jacks in Innaloo to get a burger on our way to Bunnings to get garden things to make my house look pretty.

Every single table was dirty.
There were ships all over the floor.
There were Cleaning in Progress signs everywhere. And there was no cleaning staff in sight. Though on teenager with a bored look on her face came out of the kitchens with a wet mop and half heartedly moved some of the mess on the floor a little bit and then dragged the mop back into the back rooms.
Oh, and the bins were overflowing and there were flies everywhere too.

I felt a little bit ill.

Floor snack are the latest thing.

Yummy.