CAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!

It was asked of me to make a Malteaser Cake for our work Christmas party.

The cake they wanted me to make was basically a chocolate cake covered in Nutella, covered in crushed Malteasers, a chocolate Bavarian on top, more crushed and whole Malteasers, and then melted chocolate drizzled over the deliciously messy concoction.

I might have changed the recipe a bit.

And by "a bit" I might mean "almost completely".

I made a Chocolate Fudge Cake from:

Add A Pinch

It goes something like this:

THE BEST CHOCOLATE CAKE RECIPE {EVER}

PRINT

PREP TIME

15 mins

COOK TIME

30 mins

TOTAL TIME

45 mins

Chocolate Cake with decadent chocolate frosting that will quickly become your favourite!

Author: Robyn Stone | Add a Pinch

Cuisine: Dessert

Serves: 12

INGREDIENTS

• 2 cups all-purpose flour  (Plain Flour For the Aussies)
• 2 cups sugar
• ¾ cup unsweetened cocoa powder
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1½ teaspoons baking soda (Bi-Carb Soda)
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon espresso powder
• 1 cup milk
• ½ cup vegetable or canola oil
• 2 eggs
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 1 cup boiling water
• 
  
• INSTRUCTIONS

1. Preheat oven to 350º F. Prepare two 9-inch cake pans by spraying with baking spray or buttering and lightly flouring. 
2. For the cake:
3. Add flour, sugar, cocoa, baking powder, baking soda, salt and espresso powder to a large bowl or the bowl of a stand mixer. Whisk through to combine or, using your paddle attachment, stir through flour mixture until combined well.
4. Add milk, vegetable oil, eggs, and vanilla to flour mixture and mix together on medium speed until well combined. Reduce speed and carefully add boiling water to the cake batter. Beat on high speed for about 1 minute to add air to the batter.
5. Distribute cake batter evenly between the two prepared cake pans. Bake for 30-35 minutes, until a toothpick or cake tester inserted in the centre comes out clean.
6. Remove from the oven and allow to cool for about 10 minutes, remove from the pan and cool completely.

NOTES

The cake batter will be very thin after adding the boiling water. This is correct and results in the most delicious and moist chocolate cake I've ever tasted! 

......................................................................

I put my oven to about 160º-180º C

I added more cocoa than the recipe asked for. I like cocoa. The more, the better. All the cocoa!!

I might have also missed the instructions that said TWO cake pans. I made oneBBIG one. I put the batter into a 23cm deep pan. It was going to be only one layer to the cake, but you'd think I'd actually READ. Nope.
I did need to keep the cake in the oven longer than the 30 minute cook time, probably about 45/50 minutes in total.

It made an awesome, moist and super yummy chocolate cake. Mmmmm moist. Such a squishy word.

MmmmmmMMoist!

Okay, moving on.
While I did add the layer of Nutella, I didn't put in the layer of crushed Malteasers or the Bavarian on top.
I made a vanilla cake to sit on top of the epic chocolate cake and Nutella layer.

I got the vanilla cake recipe from:

All Recipes Australia

And this one goes a little like this:

Ingredients 

1 cup white sugar

125g butter

2 eggs

2 teaspoons vanilla essence

1 1/2 cups plain flour

1 3/4 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 cup milk

• Directions
• Preparation:20min  › Cook:30min  › Ready in:50min

1. Preheat oven to 180 degrees C. Grease and flour a 23cm x 23cm cake pan or line a muffin pan with paper liners.
2. In a medium bowl, cream together the sugar and butter. Beat in the eggs, one at a time, then stir in the vanilla essence.
3. Combine flour and baking powder, add to the creamed mixture and mix well. Finally stir in the milk until mixture is smooth. Pour or spoon into the prepared pan.
4. Bake in preheated oven for 30 to 40 minutes. For cupcakes, bake 20 to 25 minutes. Cake is done when it springs back to the touch.

......................................................................

I might have actually read and followed the instructions for this one. Most of them anyway.

I did use caster sugar, mostly. I ran out and had to use raw sugar for the final 1/3 of a cup.

I used Vanilla Extract instead of Essence. And I might have not really measured it out. I tasted and added extra as needed.

The vanilla cake batter was super dense and oh so heavy compared to the Chocolate Cake, but still made a fabulously moist cake when it came out of the oven.

Part of me just wanted to eat them then and there. But I have self control.
Did my nose just grow?
Shut up! I totally have self control!

Okay, time has passed, both the cakes have cooled and I have trimmed the top of the fabulous chocolate cake.

Next, I cracked open the Nutella. I resisted the temptation and didn't eat it. I had been snacking on the chocolate cake trimmings so I was able to be strong.
I lathered the chocolate cake with the Nutella and placed the vanilla cake on top.
Mmmm Top Deck Cake.

Then came the icing.
I didn't really follow any recipe and I realised rather late that I didn't actually have icing sugar in the house. I managed to find some icing mixture, so I used that.

I am not sure of the exact difference between Icing Sugar and Icing Mixture, so I just pretended it was icing sugar.

I poured an indeterminate amount into the mixing bowl and added some room temperature butter to it. After mixing it in, I added a little milk. And then I added a heap of cocoa powder.

ALL THE COCOA!!!

Sorry, I'm calm now.

After several tastings, all totally necessary I assure you, I blobbed the icing onto the cake-tower.

Well, It wasn't totally a tower. Maybe If I had added another layer It would have been more tower-like.

Oooh, definitely something to think about for next time.

With twenty-twenty hindsight, I realise that I probably should have been taking photos.
Dang it!

Okay, we are nearing the end of the cake-journey!

I thought I would save some time with the crushing of the Malteasers and out them in my magic bullet (No, it isn't some sort of sexy toy, you dirty minded person). It might have almost vaporised them. They were very close to Malteaser Powder.

I covered the cake in whole Malteasers and sprinkled the powdered Malteasers over it.

Lastly, we have the cherry on the top. Not the literal cherry, I didn't have any of those.
I melted some Cadbury dark chocolate melts and drizzled it over the cake/monstrosity/thing. More Malteaser powder and whole Malteasers later, the cake is finished!

The finished product was insanely dense and rich and moist ... Mmmmmmoist ... and no one was able to actually finish a piece in one sitting.

The verdict:

Chocolate coma

Would recommend you make it when you want to impress people with an insanely rich and delicious slab of Mmmmmoistness.

Letter from the Other

My dearest Polly,
It has been a hard time, here in Korea. You can’t tell the enemy from your allies. We lost Kimbo and Burkhart last week. They stumbled into a minefield.

Thoughts of you keep me going in the dark times. The Colonel especially enjoyed the stockings you sent. I am sure you meant to send them to me, but had accidentally addressed them to him. It didn’t feel right to insist he give them to me. He asked that you send a size bigger as they didn’t quite fit.

The cookies you sent to Lieutenant Markham were also much appreciated. He shared them with the other officers in the Mess Hall. Us enlisted men were hoping there would be enough for us too. Maybe you can send a few extras so that we can taste your lovely cooking as well.

I know you told me last time that the car was making some odd noises. Don’t take it to Mikey in the High street. He’ll scam you. Take it the Steve in Raymondville. Tell him that you know me and he’ll give you a good deal.

I know you are a strong and independent woman, but I need to know that there is still a place for me in your life and heart. Some of the men have taken local “girlfriends” and I want to assure you that you never have to worry about me, straying. I tried to speak to the chaplain about this very problem, but his secretary said he was very busy attending to his local flock. I’ll try again tomorrow.

We had a visit from a general, yesterday. It was General Stoneman. He sends his regards and hopes that you got the present he sent. That was very thoughtful of him. I didn’t know he took such interest in the home lives of his enlisted men. He seems a good, strong leader. And he is confident that we’ll be going home by Christmas. We can only hope the enemy agree to such a timeline. They haven’t been very agreeable thus far.

I had a letter from Mother recently. She says that you are not letting my absence get you down. She has seen you out at many clubs and restaurants these several months. I am glad you are keeping your spirits up. The last thing you need to do is make yourself sick with worry. Keep your mind off the dangers that I face every day. Dance with the men in the clubs. Laugh and be merry. I will love you and I will see you when I get home. And I know in my deepest heart that you will love me and care for me, no matter the condition that I return to you in. If I return to you missing limbs, I know you will stay by my side. If I return to you a gibbering wreck, you will care for me. If I come home and cannot work for the rest of my life, I know that you will take up the reins to provide for me and all the children I know you want.

 

My dearest Polly, I will write again soon.

My eternal love and devotion

Eustace

  

P.S. Enclosed is the half my pay that you said needed for living expenses. I hope it is enough for you to purchase the items you need.

In which we learn about Morris Dancing...

Hullo there my slightly ruffled sea penguin,  

I am writing to you today from the depths of hell that is known as Sussex.

There was a group of young people today Morris Dancing in the street. Mrs Quigley fainted from the shock of it.She hasn't been the same since her dog, Bernie, died last year. Everything frays her frazzled nerves. The poor thing.

 

I went to the chip shop at lunch and there was a great man-beast behind the counter. I did wonder how he made the chips without getting any of the phenomenal amounts of hair on his body in the boiling oil. I watched him closely as he made my chips for signs of follicle fallings. 

Let me tell you, my ponderous manatee, last week was a rather interesting week as well. Well, to begin with there was a mishap with my mail. I was sent a parcel meant for the rather delectable lady next door. I did the chivalrous thing and took it took her. When she answered the door she was in nothing but a negligee and slippers! Well, I can tell you that I was quite shocked at her state of undress. She asked me in for tea to say thank you for being a gentleman.

The things I learned from that woman.

Did you know she is very well versed in the various geopolitical aspects of the European Continent? I learned things about politics that I never knew before. And she makes a lovely scone, if I do say so myself. 

I heard from Mother that you are taking up the Flugel Horn this semester at University. I commend your sense of ambition, but also wish to counsel you on the fact that it is perfectly alright to fail. You do not need to be expert in every endeavour that you undertake. Just look at Uncle Marty, he is a great failure and he is just as happy as Cousin Gregory, who passed the Bar and is a highly successful lawyer.

I am so proud of you, my little sweet smelling lizard; you are off, making your way in the world. Making a difference to those you meet. You’re changing the world for the better. Just remember us, my contentious staple gun, back here in the old house, watching as you set the world on fire.

Do you remember your cousin, Gerald? Well, I just had word from your Aunt Livinia’s brother’s cousin’s ex-roommate that he had started his business in textiles and ended up being a drug mule for the Yakuza! Did you ever hear such a thing? I always knew that boy would come to a bad end. He always was trouble, that one. Not like you. Your Great Uncle Augustus, bless his soul, would be so proud of you and your candle making.

Well, the day is getting on, my Pantalooned Regimental Soldier, and I simply must take this devilled ham to Mrs Marjory across the way. Her piles are acting up again.

Give my love to Sookie.
I will write again soon.

Your ever loving Uncle,
Eustace Dalrymple

 

In which birds are saucy...

My dearest Mother, 

Life is quiet in the country. It is much different to Town life. Everything is so much more vivid. It is beautiful.

I no longer miss the sights and sounds of London as I have taken up the hobby of bird watching. Apparently it is a great passion of the Squire, Mr Ramsbottom. He has been showing me all the places that the little Tits can be found.

Last Wednesday he took me to a secluded clearing on his property and showed me a White-Breasted Nuthatch. Mother, it was exhilarating.

He has also shown me his collection of art. He is a wonderful artist. I confess my favourite was his watercolour of the Red Bellied Woodpecker. Oh mother, it was beautiful, he gifted it to me. It is now hanging in my bedroom where I can see his Red Bellied Woodpecker every day.

I have heard tales, as well Mother, that there is a nest of Tufted Titmouses nearby. Mr Ramsbottom and I have made plans to seek out these little darlings and expose them to the county.

 There is also a dance scheduled in the next week. All of the eligible young men and women in the area will be there. Oh I do hope they like me. I am making such and effort not to be the spoiled brat that you sent to the country as punishment.

Do you think any of them will be interested in bird watching as well? I do hope so. I would dearly love to tell the tale of how I stumbled on to the home of a Brown Thrush.

I hope to hear from you soon, dearest Mother.

Your loving daughter, 

Euphemia

Another Book Review - Brace Yourselves, It's Going To Be A Bumpy Read

So, having been informed that my evening’s reading was going to be a novel by Lisa Marie Rice, I was not expecting good things, especially since it was called Fatal Heat and two dangerous novellas.
It wasn’t as bad, or as funny, as I’d hoped, but it was in no way good. At all.

 

First Story: Fatal Heat.

There is a sniper dude and plant geneticist.

The sniper is such a fantastically good sniper that he doesn’t even bother to take a spotter with him to kill an apparently sick and twisted bad guy who is just killing and torturing people with impunity. And you know the bad guy is a bad guy because the sniper watches him behead a few people and whip a woman for apparently kicks and giggles. All the while the bad guy is standing out in the open. Sniper Dude gets his shot off and bad guy’s second in command knows immediately where the shot came from and before Sniper Dude can react, he is shot in all sorts of places. Injuries occur and Sniper Dude is somehow rescued by magical unseen forces and whisked away to the U.S to recuperate.

I don’t have a problem with the whole “Let’s shoot the bad guys” thing. I just have a problem with the whole “I am a lone sniper with no back up, let alone a spotter, and somehow I am injured and rescued before the bad guy’s minions can climb the hill and get me, torture me and kill me.”

So magical rescue happens and, after his time in a coma, he forces his wounded his body to walk again by strength of will alone. According to this book, abusing your body and forcing it beyond its limits works as a rehabilitation technique. All those people who go to university and train for years to help people learn to use their limbs again are useless.

So, a friend in his platoon/unit/dorm/whatever gave him the keys to his holiday villa next to a beach so he could recuperate and get back on his feet, so to speak. It is there that he meets the niece of said friend who has a dog that is impervious to commands except by the Sniper Dude.

Cue instant and fiery attraction to each other. They have dinner and get down to the horizontal mamba.

Meanwhile, Plant Lady has been sent some rather disturbing information from a fellow sciency person in Argentina or somewhere. I really was just skimming by this point. And this sciency friend hasn’t been heard from in a week. Sciency friend finally gets through and sends the info to Plant Lady and Plant Lady is conveniently kidnapped after making a copy and hiding it on a thumb drive.

Sniper Dude comes back from his doctor appointment/getting sexy supplies/grocery shopping and discovers that Plant Lady is gone and her dog has been shot in the head.

Why is it always the menfolk who buy the sexy things? Can't the women decide they're going to sexy themselves up for their men? Do they not have the nerve to get lingerie or "naughty supplies"? Ugh.

Anyways, Back on topic.
 The dog doesn’t die. The dog is wounded and is well enough to assist Sniper Dude in the rescue of Plant Lady from the evil island lair of one of the employees of the company she works for, and who is arranging to make lots of money from a new corn that grows super fast but seems to have the added side effect of giving everyone who lives near it cancer.

There is also a whole scene about how Sniper Dude has to swim to the island and puts the dog on a dingy and swims the three miles across the bay.
Blah Blah Blah.
Basically it’s all about how he hasn’t swum that far since being wounded and he finds this untapped source of energy to drag himself to the island by focussing on his love for Plant Lady.

The dog, by this stage too, is a well trained and quiet tracker, sniffing out his human with skilled efficiency. Sniper Dude may be all exhausted but he is able to subdue and dispatch all the bad guys who were supposedly hired because they were all about the violence and the money. They got taken out by a crippled and exhausted man and a dog that was too stupid to learn to “Sit”.

In the end no one died. Science Friend is safe, Plant Lady is safe, the idiotic dog is fine, and Sniper Dude gets better.

It was better than the other two stories in so far as much as it actually had more of a plot and less of an ‘I am the big strong man and I must protect my woman at all costs, and the women swanning around all free spirit and independent and getting into mischief.”

The second story sucked mainly because of the last words.

“Darling, your pickle. Best. Pickle. Ever.”

Oooooookay then.